1 the Klan (n.)
The first “fam” of reality television, whose adventures are portrayed in Keeping up with the Kardashians, is made up of Kris Jenner, formerly Kris Kardashian (mother, mum-ager and matriarch—her late husband and the children’s father, Robert Kardashian, was O.J. Simpson’s lawyer), Bruce Jenner (stepfather and a former Olympic gold medalist in the decathlon), Kourtney (the oldest), Kimberly (the one whose sex tape launched the family into stardom), Khloe (the one married to ex-Maverick, currently teamless basketballer Lamar Odom), Robert (the only boy, who dated a member of the girl group the Cheetah Girls), and step-siblings Kendal and Kylie Jenner (both models and high school students and cheerleaders who will probably not be going to college, due to their pursuit of fame). Other steps include children from Bruce Jenner’s first marriage, though none except Brody Jenner (star of Laguna Beach) merits mention. Other members of the “Klan” include Scott Disick (Kourtney’s ever so slightly troubled boyfriend and baby daddy), Mason Dash Disick (Kourtney and Scott’s baby boy and soon to be older brother) and Ryan Seacrest (executive producer of the TV show).
2 dolls (n.)
Term for loyal Kardashian followers and friends.
3 bible (adj.)
As Kourtney once tweeted to a confused doll (see 2, above), “Bible means “promise” but u can’t ever lie on bible. So if u say bible in our family and with our friends, we know its true.”
4 Dash (n.)
A clothing store owned by Kourtney, Kim and Khloe, with branches in Calabasas, California, Miami and New York City.
5 Kardashian Kollection (n.)
A line of “klothing” developed by the sisters and designed exclusively for Sears. It includes everything from dresses to jeans, handbags, shoes and lingerie. Rumor has it that a home Kollection will launch soon.
6 Loubs (n.)
Seemingly the only shoes the sisters (and Kris) will wear are “Loubs” (by Christian Louboutin). These are always sky-high and red-soled regardless of whether their wearers are carrying small children (including while pregnant), shopping or going to the beach (Khloe).
7 The Carousel (n.)
This favorite restaurant of the Klan serves up authentic Middle Eastern cuisine, perfect for a large, partly Armenian family.
8 Calabasas (n.)
Surely, now that they have put it on the map, the Kardashians’ hometown will soon be changing its name to Kalabasas. Can Kalifornia be far behind?
9 brands (n.)
The Kardashians have been involved in everything from diet pills to Girls Gone Wild. They have the beauty market covered: Kim has released multiple fragrances; Khloe and Lamar have a unisex perfume; the girls all got together to produce a nail-polish line, Kardashian Kolors for Nicole by OPI; and the older sisters are the face of Quick Trim. They have let us in on the secrets of the perfect body by showing the world their exercise regimens in a couple of workout DVDs. Although Kim does not like to drink (as seen when she visited Kourt and Khlo in Miami, where she famously got wasted and missed her photoshoot the following day), she is the face of Midori, the melon liqueur. Khloe also represents an alcoholic beverage, Hypnotiq Harmonie, a berry liqueur. Kim’s involvement with the bargain website ShoeDazzle ensures that her most loyal dolls can look like her for only $39.95 a month. The Kardashians’ entire list of collaborations is numerous; possibly the most notable, however, was Kardashian Kard, a project with MasterCard that ended quickly after Connecticut’s then attorney-general, Richard Blumenthal, spoke publicly about its hidden fees.
10 spinoffs (n.)
Keeping up With the Kardashians has become so popular that dolls are eager for further glimpses into the fabulous lives of the sisters: Khloe and Lamar have started their newly married life on camera in Khloe and Lamar, which followed their adventures in Los Angeles and subsequent move to Dallas when he joined the Mavericks; the opening of two new stores was captured for E! in Kourtney and Khloe Take Miami and Kourtney and Kim Take New York, both of which ran for two seasons; even Kendal’s super sweet sixteen was released as its own special mini-series.
Last summer, Kim’s wedding to Kris Humphries was captured in a four-episode (watch the first, focusing on shopping, here) special, Kim’s Fairytale Wedding. Sadly, the actual happy event is no longer available, due to a “copyright claim,” but you can see footage of the footage here. The marriage lasted 72 days. Kim is now rumored to be dating Kanye West (the singer who famously dissed Taylor Swift at the 2009 MTV awards.
Georgina Greenough is a senior at Colby College in Maine majoring in art history with a minor in philosophy, and about to go on her first job interview next week as a floater at Sotheby’s. She hopes to be an interior designer.